An Encouraging Word For Those Who Are Divorced Or Remarried

by David J. Stewart | May 2017

Ephesians 5:7-10, “Be not ye therefore partakers with them. For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth; Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.”

       One of the most controversial and hotly debated issues is marriage, divorce and remarriage. Literally, thousands of books have been written on the subject. You can talk to 20 different preachers and you'll get multiple different viewpoints, some vehemently condemning others who disagree. It can be a painful matter for those who have been afflicted by the lifelong hardships of a divorce. As Brother Hyles says, “Divorce is a sin that perpetuates for a lifetime!” That is, the consequences are lasting.

I know the feeling of being condemned, for those of you who have also been condemned for being divorced and wanting to get remarried. Sadly, my wife of 18 years divorced me against my will in 2006. I have forgiven her for everything, although she still refuses to apologize for anything. Notta! I am her friend, and nothing more. We haven't as much as hugged in 11 years. I have lived alone for the past 11 years and get lonely often, praying to the Lord to help me find a soulmate. But I agree with Pastor Danny Castle, who wisely said, “The only thing worse than not being married, is being married and not wanting to be married.” Brother Castle is so right! I am in no hurry to rush into a bad marriage. I am waiting for God's time. I may never find a prudent wife, and that's Okay, but I am not going to just marry anybody. She must be a born-again Christian, love the Lord and the chemistry must be right. By the way, I am not fishing in this article, that's not why I am writing it, although the idea is intriguing.

I recently asked an elderly Baptist minister in Maryland for his advice. I just wanted his opinion on fundamental Baptist churches in the states that he would recommend. I told that I was considering moving. I expressed my interest in finding a good wife in one of those churches. He was mean and wrote back, saying, “No, sorry, you can never remarry! God said, 'No'!” Kindly, that religious man is a big fool! I wrote him back and pointed out that, not surprisingly, he didn't support his claim with any Scriptures. Where did God say, “No?” The Lord didn't! I also told him that he enjoys home cooked meals, and enjoys the touch and warmth of a wife, and therefore can easily condemn someone like me who is alone and lonely without a spouse. What a jerk, and I told him so, respectfully! I never asked him if he thought it was Okay for me to remarry. I already know that I have God's blessing. I just wanted his advice on good churches that he would recommend.

I told the minister that he was being unrealistic and ridiculous to expect divorced people to never remarry. I didn't want the divorce! I was placed into that horrible situation. I am not blaming my spouse for the problems in our marriage, but the divorce is 100% on her. It was her choice alone, not mine. I have it in writing from the court that she refused to reconcile with me, and that I didn't want a divorce. I made them put it in writing, so she could never come back and claim that I also wanted a divorce. God hates divorce and so do I (Malachi 2:16; Jeremiah 3:20). I preach against divorce for any reason, but once there has been a divorce, IT IS DONE!!! You must move on in the Lord with your life. According to the foolish minister, if a 25 year old man's wife divorces him, he's supposed to remain single the rest of his life? That's insane!!!

Now, before you judge me, there are many things to consider. I do believe that there ought to be a “cooling off” period after a divorce, a time for any possibility of reconciliation between the couple. I have a serious problem when people remarry before the ink is even dry on their divorce papers. I cannot provide any Biblical reference for how long that time period should be, but I think five years is a reasonable time. Also, some couples ought not get back together in my humble opinion. A woman is not Biblically obligated to remarry an abusive husband who wants to remarry her. But she ought to REMAIN SINGLE if she filed for divorce (1st Corinthians 7:10-11). You need to keep in mind that everything Paul is saying in 1st Corinthians chapter 7 is HIS OPINION, not commandments from God. 1st Corinthians 7:6, “But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.”

We know that it is the sin of adultery for a person to divorce and remarry someone else. Matthew 19:9, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” But what if you're the victim of a divorce? Sad to say, some spouses will treat their mate like garbage, pushing them to file for divorce, and then blame it on their spouse and go get remarried. If that is you, you are a wicked devil and God sees the depths of your heart and your true intentions (Proverbs 24:12). And may I say, I don't believe for one second that Jesus meant in Matthew 19:9 that it's Okay to file for divorce, just because your spouse commit adultery one time. Matthew 18:22 teaches unlimited forgiveness. And I agree with Pastor Steven Anderson that Matthew 19:9 refers to the Old Testament, where if a man remarries a virgin, but then finds out she isn't really a virgin, he has a Biblical right to nullify the marriage. God divorced Israel in the Old Testament for repeated spiritual whoredom, not messing up one or two times. And please understand that the Lord's emphasis in Matthew 19:9 was upon the evils of divorce, not upon remarriage. Jesus didn't want the Pharisees leaving their wives to begin with, and that was His main point.

If you are divorced, like me, don't let people make you feel like garbage. I know how that feels. If you have done what you can to reconcile with your former spouse, if that's even possible, and you are remarrying a Christian believer, do so in the Lord without guilt. That is my opinion. Condemn me if you want. Now if you were the one who filed for divorce, you have to answer to God for that sin. If you remarry it is adultery. I cannot give you my blessing, but you know what, life must go on. What else can you do? Stay single for the rest of your life? That will likely lead to fornication. God certainly doesn't want that. So what are you to do? This is where many hypocrite preachers will just tell you to take a cold shower, and tuff luck pal. I'm being realistic, what else can you do? If your former spouse wants you back, you definitely should go back, if you trust them still and there's any love. Never remarry someone just out of some misguided sense of religious obligation. If the chemistry is not there and you don't really want to be with that person, YOU SHOULDN'T REMARRY THEM!!! It's that simple. But once you remarry to a stranger, you can NEVER go back to your first spouse (the wife or husband of your youth). Marriage is sacred to God. Hollywood has desecrated everything that is holy, to their own damnation!!!

I am not writing this article for you self righteous Pharisees, who condemn hurting people in bad situations, and you just kick them in the head while they're trying to crawl back up the ladder of life. I am writing this article for those of you, who are in the same boat as I am, a causality of life, alone and hurting. I have peace in the Lord. I am not spiritually lonely. Jesus is my best friend. Albeit, as a man I still long for the companionship of a woman. Genesis 2:18, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” I once heard a local Baptist pastor errantly say that this Scripture doesn't mean what people think it means. Folks, the Bible means exactly what it says! The solution to the problem evidences exactly what God meant... The Lord provided a helpmeet (a wife) for Adam!!! Except in rare cases, where a man believes he has a “gift” (1st Corinthians 7:7) of remaining single to do God's work, God intends for nearly all men to be married. For those of you who have endured the pain of a divorce, like me, my heart is with you all.

I am familiar with 1st Corinthians 7:27b, “Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.” This is a recommendation from the apostle Paul, not a command from God, as evidenced by Paul's mentioned of his “gift” of voluntary celibacy in 1st Corinthians 7:7. The Holy Bible teaches that to avoid sexual immorality, men and women ought to be married, 1st Corinthians 7:2, “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” So if you were the one who filed for divorce friend, confess that wicked sin to God, claim the precious blood of Jesus that washes all our sins away (1st John 1:7), and move on in the Lord. What else can you do? Become a reclusive? Cut your wrists? Become a whoremonger? You need to get remarried, only in the Lord to another Christian, and don't ever file for divorce again!!!!!!!

Now, I know some Pharisees will disagree with me, most likely because you've never been in the shoes of someone who's been divorced. I think the information I just wrote makes more sense than 90% of the garbage I've read online. I am being practical and realistic. Life goes on, and so must we. Some hypocritical religious people would have you live in guilt, suffer, be alone and just deal with loneliness all your days. How stupid! I say, confess your sins to God, claim the sin-cleansing blood of the Lamb by which you were saved, and move on with peace in your heart (Hebrews 10:19). Remember, the Christian army is the only army in the world that slays its wounded!!!

I was in a Baptist church a couple years ago, down the street from me. A man and his wife, staff members, were hugging each other and literally dancing in front of me, and I felt the sharp pain of loneliness in all my being. Am I scum for wanting that type of companionship with a wife? It's been 11 long and lonely years. I am looking for a wife, and in God's time He'll find me one. I believe there are others in my situation, and you feel the same pain of loneliness. God uses my pain for His glory, as He does everything in our life, whether good or bad. As only God can do, He takes the lemons in our life and makes lemonade. God is so good!!!!

And I'll say this, truthfully, I think some religious men are green with envy, frustrated, jealous that another Christian man can have a new wife, but they can't. Get over it! I've known men to have seven wives. That is wickedness! But what was that man to do after each divorce? Stay single? Become a monk? Get surgically castrated? Dr. Peter Ruckman is often criticized for being married three times. So what! He's a human being. His wives left him!!! What was the poor guy to do? I understand that only by pride cometh contention (Proverbs 13:10). The divorce rate has skyrocketed because of our sinful pride in America, because we can't get along with each other anymore. We have become hard-hearted. The greedy courts don't help, doing everything in their power to cause divorces. We live in a dungheap in America today!!! These are perilous times!!!!!!! I am simply saying, speaking to you on a personal level, if you are divorced, what are you to do? Staying single is not a realistic option for most people.

I think one of the reasons for so many divorces these days, are the shallow reasons why people get married. Sex is not a reason to get married. And if it is, you'll leave your spouse when she loses her schoolgirl figure. There ought to be some soul connection, some chemistry between you both. Sadly, that is not always easy to find. Many people spend their lives searching, but never finding, their true soulmate. God promised to guide us if we direct Him in all our ways (Proverbs 3:5-6). I am not giving anybody permission to commit adultery. I am simply saying that if you are divorced, I don't believe God intends for you to be alone and lonely for the rest of your life, while you go to church Sunday after Sunday, and see other married couples snuggling, loving on each other, and happy. Only a complete jerk, a heartless person, a fundamental idiot, would say otherwise. There's nothing worse than a fundamentalist Baptist preacher who has never been broken and humbled, never been to the bottom of life, never had to pick up the pieces of what's left of his own life. I've been there my friend, and I am serving God with the broken pieces of my life...

Job learned that birth and growth come only with pain. The birth of a great ministry, the birth of a child, the birth of a church, the birth of a new work, the birth of a school, or the birth of anything that is worthwhile comes through great pain. Growth is the same way. All of us as children experienced growing pains; such is the case in the spiritual life. Pain comes with birth and pain comes with growth.

SOURCE: The Mistakes Of Job, Dr. Jack Hyles, from the great book Strength and Beauty.

God loves you and so do I in the Lord. Don't let people's prejudice and ignorance of the Scriptures keep you down. Keep your eyes on the blessed Savior. Let the heathen preachers rage. You just do what you believe God wants you to do, and walk with Jesus every day of your life. Cry out to God each day to God!!! Get busy winning souls to Jesus Christ by sharing the Gospel. The clarity of the Gospel is what makes it easy for people to be saved.

“The mark of the child of God is that he loves everybody!”
(a quote from Pastor Jack Hyles' classic MP3 sermon, “FORGIVENESS”)

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